A Grief Observed

I am halfway through this book recommended by Erica Kirk. It is well written C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed. For anyone who has ever lost in a loving relationship, it is most helpful. I find that reading is good after loosing my husband of 39years in 2013. Grief never gets better, it only changes. It is unique for everyone. No two people are alike. The book arrived timely and in brand new condition.

C.S. Lewis gives us a deep glimpse into his soul in "A Grief Observed." Upon the death of his wife he has a very direct conversation (OK shouting match) with God regarding why the love of his life was taken from him. His journal notes regarding the loss of his lovely wife make up the main bulk of this short text. We are brought into the very personal loss of C.S. Lewis and his ruminating over the depth of pain that can be felt when you loose a loved one. He found himself often calling out, "Come back, Come back!", only to realize how selfish that request is. He wanted her back for himself, but what pain that would be for her. He makes a stark observation when he states, "They call Stephen the first martyr. Hasn't Lazarus the rawer deal?" His point being that at least Stephen died and stayed that way in paradise, but poor Lazarus died, went to paradise but then got called back to live several more years on a corrupt earth. Why can't we let the dead go? Why do we cling to them? Why do we wish they were still with us? Don't they have the better deal? After having written "The Problem of Pain," C.S. Lewis comes to realize that he didn't fully understand his topic when he wrote that. He now knows and understands the deep depth of grief and anguish that a person can feel over the loss of a loved one. In a very honest moment he pens, "don't come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you don't understand." Yet, he acknowledges that he was one of those himself. This book is for all who are grieving. It is for those who have lost a loved one and want an honest look into the heart of a Theologian who loves God and how he struggled with grief. This might be the best book for any Christian ever to read, digest and understand. It will help you love God more and understand are pain and anguish over loosing a loved one. Read well for understanding and encouragement !

I am a grief counselor and this is often one of my “go to” books when I need to get back to basics of why I do what I do. You can read the entire book in one or two sittings and I promise it will touch your soul. It would also be great as a gift for anyone who has lost a love one.

Not one of my favorites but it was still a good book.

Originally published under a pseudonym, this short book is a thoroughly reasoned but heart-felt analyzation of grief from the private writing journal of intellectual author and academia giant, C.S. Lewis. The object of his grief is the love of his life, his rare intellectual equal and friend whom he met later in life and fell deeply in love with, making her his wife. Born Atheist, C.S. Lewis became a committed Christian, but spent part of his journalized pages in honest reflection of his anger at God and acknowledgement of fragile faith while in the throes of traumatic, life-altering grief. He boldly wonders and writes the thoughts and words most familiarly held at some point in the minds of others bereaved over their most beloved and cherished. From page 23: "Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief. Apparently the faith - I thought it faith - which enables me to pray for the other dead has seemed strong only because I have never really cared, not desperately, whether they existed or not. Yet I thought I did." After other thoughts about risks and beliefs, this is said, "And you will never discover how serious it was until the stakes are raised horribly high, until you find that you are playing not for counters or for sixpences but for every penny you have in the world. Nothing will shake a man - or at any rate a man like me - out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover himself." On page 25, C.S. sees the human side of grieving when others try to console him with spiritual avenues of comfort: "Talk to me about the truth of religion and I'll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion and I'll listen submissively. But don't come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you don't understand." The social leprosy of bereavement is also mentioned on a couple of pages, including this: "Perhaps the bereaved ought to be isolated in special settlements like lepers." At the end, C.S. Lewis seems to reconcile himself to a conclusion about grieving: "For, as I have discovered, passionate grief does not link us with the dead but cuts us off from them," as he tries to go about cherishing his beloved's every memory with gladness, a smile and a laugh. Not for long, however, is this a workable plan as he writes the next day's journal entry more in line with the natural phases of grief: "An admirable programme. Unfortunately it can't be carried out. tonight al the hells of young grief have opened again; the mad words, the bitter resentment, the fluttering in the stomach, the nightmare unreality, the wallowed-in tears. For in grief nothing `stays put.' One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?" As do we all of bereavement ask ourselves when finding that as much as we try clawing our way up the spiral, we suddenly lose our grasp, totally at the mercy of our humanness and that quality that never dies - love.

Es un libro interesante sobre la palabra Dios cuando perdemos alguien en nuestra vida. Lo dimos de regalo a una amiga.

Je souhaite lire tous ses œuvres. T t t t t t t t t t t t t t

I was first signposted to this book nearly 18 years ago by a bereavement counsellor Maxine - who helped more than she knew or I ever told her! At the time I really couldn't see my way out of almost stifling grief - but she gave me a copy of this book and suggested I read it - and pop a yellow sticky in the pages that most resonated with me. A month or so on she suggested I re-read it and do the yellow sticky thing again - and already I could see I was moving on - if only through the stages of grief at that time. I hadn't believed it possible. Several readings later - loads more yellow stickies - and months passed - and I finally understood what she'd been hoping for. As hard as it seems - and as hard as it is to see - we do all move from where we started. I found some of the book - especially the more religious bits hard going - and skipped over them - whilst appreciating even at the time that they might bring some comfort to others. CS Lewis - wrote this book after the death of his love - portrayed in the film 'Shadowlands' - and despite being a rather restrained individual and theology boffin - went on to care for her son and from there we get the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe series - which made many kids like me really enjoy books. I still have that original copy with all of the yellow stickies - and treasure it always as it tells my journey back to the land of the living far better than I could! I've also bought copies for and passed on the yellow sticky advice on a very few appropriate occasions in the last 18 years. It has always helped. A truly great book - inspirational and untold help. If you ever find yourself in need of such a prop - well worth buying - and whilst the paper version and the yellow stickies - tried and tested - bookmarks or notes on kindle probably do the same thing. I've just looked it out again on the recent death of a close friend's husband - and will be passing on a copy again.

Great book, but perhaps all readers may not be emotionally connected. One should go through grief to appreciate the beauty of the writing. I believe so.

I bought this book after my mother died. I needed something to occupy my mind. No one else - no relative, no friend (most of them too afraid to talk about my loss anyways) managed to put grief into words as well as C.S.Lewis managed to do in this book. His words are balm for broken hearts. His observations about his own grief calmed me down and helped me cope. At first I was afraid he would put too much weight on a Christian god and/or afterlife - since C.S.Lewis was a Christian apologist himself after a bout of atheism in his youth and many books about grief do (which is oh, so silly!) - but my fears were unfounded. I as a person that is 80% atheist and 20% agnostic felt understood.