Motherless Daughters (20th Anniversary Edition)

I found this book as an adult when I was able to recognize how deeply my grandmother's death defined my mother. For my mom losing her mom at 12 meant she lost the person who was there to guide her, help her get through puberty, become a woman, learn to use makeup, took her to the doctor and the loss of having a parent to care for her and about her life. The loss of her mother as a kind and loving person was bad enough, she also lost all forms of parental support. This presented it's own set of challenges. My mom was smart and learned to fend for herself with the alcoholic parent she had left and his second wife (whom grandfather married 36 hours after my grandmother died) who was an alcoholic who abused her own children. My mom was bright, finished High School at 16 then moved in with her Grandmother, Aunt and Uncle. It was a better place for her, she put herself through secretarial college went to work, found love married at 18 and had a family. As her daughter, I could see how my grandmother's death still affected her. She always had to know where we were at every moment. It was hard for me to understand why she worried so and saw danger everywhere. I never felt alone, as if I had to fend for myself, lost, as if I had no one to guide me. She did and she felt guilty that she did not know more things to teach me. She was always worried that she was not a good mother because she did not know what mothering meant, beyond her own point of reference, past the age of 12. A college friend who lost her mom at 12 recommended this book, I read it and thought my mom should read it too. I got her a copy and we read it together and had many conversations about this topic. She decided to go to a therapist I went with her and she continued and this wonderful act of self-care helped her to heal. She still missed her mother but she was able to address many aspects of that loss and this book was the beginning of the journey. I wanted to share because if you lost a mom around puberty or your mom did this book can give you insights into that loss. Beyond that, it can also lend an understanding of how the loss of your mom at that age can define the person a girl becomes in the aftermath. For us this was helpful, we were able to define the event that shaped mom's life and our relationship, we were able to talk about it, we determined to find out what would help us to work out our plan to address "it" and we came out better. Better for my mom was happier, feeling proud of finding a way forward without a mother to guide her instead of feeling defeated and lost because her mom was not there. Better for me was to understand why she mothered that way and to reassure her that I only knew the love and joy of having a mom, not the feeling of being cheated in some way. I was a better daughter, she was a better mother, and our mother-daughter dynamic was better. I don't know if this is what every woman grieving the loss of her mother should read, but if you lost your mom in adolescence this is worth a try. If you lost your mom around puberty as a daughter of someone who had that experience this book may help. I wish you peace and healing.

This was a great resource that was given to me by Hospice when my mother died. Recently, I decided to buy it for my own personal library so that I could pass it on if I needed to. It offers personal stories broken down by the type of death experienced (such as by daughters who provided caregiving for mothers with prolonged illness, daughters who experienced sudden death, or daughters who experienced the death of their mothers in childhood, adolescence, early adulthood, etc.). I am a daughter who lost her mother as a young adult and found my experience to be similar those in the same situation. My mother's death was one of the most traumatic life experiences I've ever had. Reading this let me know that I was not alone in the way I experienced bereavement, gave me perspective on how others process the loss of a mother, and helped me develop the emotional space I needed to grieve. I would recommend that anyone who is reading this to take it in bits and pieces. When I tried to power through the text, I found myself sobbing for hours. It was profoundly easier to read small sections at a time. As a person who likes to read non-fiction and enjoys statistics, I found it to be an informative read that was still accessible and highly personal. I would recommend it to other grieving daughters.

Just up front - my mother isn't dead. But she left us when I was 11. Completely. New life in a new country. So entirely unavailable to me, for the rest of my life. This book is outstanding. It has made me feel SO MUCH better about things, for starters, that everything I went through was normal for the situation, and that there are ways to help deal with the pain and so on. It's hard to write a review on this book and not have it sound like a cliche, because it really does touch you deeply. It really does open your eyes. It really does help. It helped me finally grieve for my lost childhood and helps me better manage the daily task of raising my own children when my learned templates for "mother" are so messed up. It also helps me understand the effects that it has had on shaping my personality. I also liked learning about the celebrities that have lost their mothers at a young age - Meg Ryan in particular, who I had always liked; it made me feel like it's still possible to succeed at something, even without a cheer-leader of a mother guiding you and coaching you along. Not sure what else to say, except that I really liked this book, it has a permanent place on my shelf, and I still dip into it occasionally when I need support.

My mother passed away 11 years ago, when I was 16. As I entered my senior year of high school a few days following her death, I wanted nothing more than to be normal, to avoid the sympathetic stares, and to pretend that nothing was wrong. I did this rather successfully (I thought), even lying throughout college and most of grad school ("Yes, my mom's great, she's just too busy with work to come visit." "No, I've never lost someone, and I can't imagine what that would be like."), while trying to keep my grief private. Most of the time, I was frustrated that the healing seemed too slow, too incomplete. I felt like an entitled jerk for allowing myself to wallow uselessly in something that was super old news. Why, a decade after her death, did I cry myself to sleep almost every night for months? Why did seemingly random twists and turns in my life suddenly make me desperately miss someone who had been dead for years? Thank you, Hope, for writing a book that answers these questions and, most importantly, reassures me that I am *allowed* to still find myself grieving. Nothing therapists, my dad, my close family, or my best friends have ever said has convinced me, in the way that this book has, that it is *normal* for me to find that the loss of my mother was deep, profound, and life-altering. And it's finally OK for me to admit that.

It was a beautifully written and really helpful book. As Hope's case was very similar to mine (my mother died when I was 18), it was a greatly helpful narrative for me. So many psychological effects because of this major tragedy in our lives is now better understood by me. There were so many moments while reading when I thought 'oh that is why I am like that now'. Since the written work is too beautiful in terms of capturing those emotions, feelings, insecurities, personality changes, it helped me in explaining the same thing to others about me. Also, the book validated my feelings. This is an important need of any woman and this book properly fulfilled it. The positives don't end here. The book also talks about how motherless daughters of different age group feels. It talks about females who lost their mother right after birth, childhood, in 20's or even elderly age. It explains that while I lost my mom in teenage, the effects on me are different from someone who lost her mom as a toddler, let's say. Thus, the book made me more empathetic to other daughters who lost their mothers at different stages of lives. Unlike others, I didn't cry or felt sad while reading this book. I somehow ended up reading with very analytical perspective. I was taking notes as soon as I remembered something or understood something better. Thus, it was a great tool for my own psychological analysis. So many thanks for Hope. It was a much needed book!

I'm reading this for a second time at an older age when I first read it. I love this book. To know that there are other women out there who have lost their mothers, at different ages and stages (I was 20), is very comforting. This book covers a lot of aspects of how mother loss touches each and every family member and how it affects everything in a woman's life. I highly recommend. I gifted this book to a high school co-worker who lost her mother a year ago to MS. Thank you Hope Edelman for this wonderful book which I will keep on my shelf until the day I die.

Great book for any daughter that loss there mother

This book is truly amazing. I lost my mom almost 10 years ago at the age of 14, and this book really helped me to explain my feelings and understand why I do the things I do and why I think the things I think. I always had ideas of how I believed losing my mother affected me growing up, and how I think it will influence my future. And hearing that other people feel the same way I do just gave me so much relief. This book made me feel like I'm not alone. It helped me connect to other women who have experienced the same loss that I have. And hearing stories about motherless daughters in their adult years made me realize that maybe everything I'll have to go through without my mom won't be as terrifying as I think it will be without my mom there to help me. Hope Edelman is a wonderful person for putting her story and the stories of others into a book to help all of the other motherless daughters out there. And I guarantee there will be at least one story in this book that you can completely relate to that might just change your life.

Tough read. But a must read for those who have lost their mothers. I only wish I had come across this book before. It helped put a lot of emotions in words and also understand how I was actually grieving when I thought I wasn't. It also helped me understand exactly how an event like that has changed me singularly since. Highly recommend.

First of all, thank you! This book has helped me so much. I’ve lost my mother when I was 6 and I could relate to so many experiences, thoughts and feelings from other motherless daughters described in this book. Characteristics I didn’t even know you could develop after losing your mother at a young age. It’s the first time in my healing journey I felt seen and understood. I didn’t feel crazy or alone. I must’ve highlighted half of the book so I can take these with me while I continue on this motherless journey.

Great book really helped me with the loss of my mum

Book is great, but book depostory delivery/shipping is crap

I lost my mom 12 1/2 years ago. If you know anyone who is grieving for the loss of their mom, or you are, please give them this book. It is a gentle, insightful and comforting read. The author validate your feelings and helps you realize that it’s OK and normal to grieve the way you are grieving. I’ve given my copy away and bought it for others.