Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children

Time honored communication skills. Excellent why and how-to employ active listening for parents, teachers, and, well… everyone. Strong pedigree: Thomas Gordon and Carl Rogers (look him up on Wikipedia).

If you read no other book on parenting ever in your life, or have never read a parenting book. This is the book I'd recommend! And if you simply cannot bring yourself to read a book. He has audio options, either an Itunes audio book, an audible book or a book on CD selection. I enjoyed reading Connection Parenting, Unconditional Parenting, and How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk. But this book, is just my favorite of them all. And I believe that many of the ideas in How to Talk so your kids will listen are taken from Dr. Gordon's method, but PET has a bit of an easier to understand and implement concept if I were to compare the two books. So what makes this my favorite: It's clear and easy to understand. -It tells you exactly what steps a parent should follow (and how to follow them in your own home) to eliminate being a parent that uses punishment or rewards or from being a permissive parent. -His methods are able to be used with all age children, non verbal children, to teens. -He talks about the misconception of the wild uncontrollable teen and how that is a fallacy. -It's a respectful, kind loving way to parent. But is not permissive. -He has quite a good bit of info on both the controlling and permissive parenting style and the effects of using them with children. Especially because many parents who are new to respectful parenting mislabel it as permissive. Key points of this book: -Punishment can be discarded forever, all kinds, not just the physical kind. -Parents can raise children who are responsible, self-disciplined, and cooperative without relying on the weapon of fear. -He teaches about a conflict resolution method that has no losers and no winners. -He helps parents discern behaviors. A behavior is something your child does or says, not your judgement of that behavior. -Door openers: These are constructive ways of responding to a children's feeling messages or problem messages. (He gives a list of these, to help us parents out!) -Talks about how to figure out what is your child's problem and what is a parent problem. -Effective ways to deal when a child's behavior interferes with a parents need. -He has great information on Parental Power and all the negatives about using this method on your children. If you use a traditional parenting model, this will really be informative. -He talks about ways to change unacceptable behavior and gives concrete ways to help you make those changes. If you want to treat your children with respect and kindness but have no idea what to replace traditional parenting models/methods with, this book will provide the answer. I am a Christian Mom and found this book and these methods to fully support gentle Christian Parenting. *Please excuse any typos.

I read various Kindle samples of child raising books before deciding to purchase this one. Although the beginning is very theoretical, it was also really interesting and I wanted to know more - on top of the positive, detailed reviews. Why I was sceptical at first : basically, what the author says is to make a difference between: -children-owned problems (child's trouble in their own life away from home, eg bad grades, argument with a friend etc.) which you solve by active listening - with examples of dialogues, do's and dont's. -parent-owned problems (child directly interfering with the parent's limits, eg not doing house chores, coming home late, etc.) which you solve by I-statements, again with examples. The good news : parents can be themselves, can and should be honest with their feelings because children detect insincerity miles away, and don't even have to be 100% consistent or in agreemen with each other all the time because hey, we're humans, not robots, and children know this. So far so good, by now probably most people know of these 2 concepts, active listening and I-statements, and they are thoroughly described in the book, but I thought it was a bit thin and nowhere near enough to cover all possible aspects of parent-child conflicts. Then the author went on to address more complicated or recurring issues by explaining the 3 possible methods of dealing with discipline problems : -"method I" eg authoritative : the parent "wins", the child "loses". -"method II" eg over-permissive : the child "wins", the parent "loses". Most families are entrenched in one or the other, or worse, keep on oscillating between the two. The bad news : whichever way you choose your children will end up disliking you, even "firing" you as parent (I) or using you (II). More bad news : the whole system of rewards and punishments does not work long term because as soon as children get older, a parent has less means to pressure them or reward them in order to make them do, or not do, something. The solution presented as "method III" consists of creative problem-solving together with the child, still using I-statements to express the parent's problem, and active listening to define the child's perception of it. The idea is that children actively participate in solving the issue,don't feel blamed and are more committed to carrying it through There were lots of examples and a very good conclusion about how to save themselves some pain, parents should just drop issues that are just not harmful to them (teenage with punk haircut for ex) and lead fulfilling lives in order to avoid "over-investing" in their children's lives. Living your values fully is the best way to influence your children with them. Now, I realize this last part won't go down well with everyone... but by then I was completely won over and ready to try, not least because every single one of my objections was addressed : -how to deal with toddlers was covered in different parts in a quite satisfactory way -how not to make active listening feel like parroting to the child -urgent, crisis situations -what if/when children just don't listen -what are the typical mistakes a prent using method III might do a first/what may hinder the resolution -lots of good reasons to try it and let go of old-fashioned, carrot-and-stick methods! -

I continue to recommend this as a How-To for parents with just one problem. Okay, maybe two. When the system came out in the early 70s and I was a psych intern who had to teach parents the course, it came with a handy ring binder and charts. Behavior mod is simple but a professional guide trained in Rational Behavior therapy would make it perfect. Okay, not perfect, but a more modernized methodolgy of listening to kids would be great. That would enable finding out the controlling reinforcers and issues swimming in the heads of tiny humans. As I said, still the best along with Hauck's Rational Management of Chidlren.

This book shows the ways that parents and children can both win during problem solving. Also, how the old ways of autocracy (one who has absolute power) have been totally wrong way to raise a loving family. Usually, children end up divorcing their parents, cutting communication and living separate lives. This book shows how to bring the family back together in a loving, respectful way.

This is an old tome which has aged very well. It's wisdom and common sense can often be described as "One size fits all," because it offers so many approaches to a problem. As an educator, I've used it for years and recommended it to friends struggling to get a hold on their child's discomfort or inability to communicate. It's a comfortable fit.

As a parent of three children, I really loved this book. It is innovative and progressive in a way that I find quite refreshing. Some parents forget that children are young human beings. They may be young and inexperienced, but they are sovereign, have rights, and should be treated with respect. Children have their very own thoughts, feelings, desires, likes, dislikes, life path and too many times, parents are quick to force them into suppression, obedience, and doing what they the parents want from them, and not actually honoring the children and their precious and unique life paths. You know that saying, "Teach kids how to think, not what to think". I feel this book empowers parents to help raise children to be free, think for themselves, and truly honor their feelings. When people are free to express themselves, they grow up feeling positive about themselves, with love in their hearts, and go on to make a big difference in the world. When people are oppressed, well, we all know what happens to oppressed people. I want my children to know true freedom. P.E.T. helps me to honor their feelings. We are happier and healthier for having read this book and implemented those exercises we feel are a good, positive fit for our family.

This is the single best book about reducing suffering and maximizing human potential I have read in my life. I've read tons of self-help books, communication tutorials, went through various training programs... and yet, I'd rather have not done any of that, but instead be raised by parents who read this one book. My parents didn't, and that screwed me up badly ;) Two words on contents: you'll learn how to accept that children have their own difficult emotions, how to distinguish between situations that require intervention and those that require just listening, and you'll learn the language of love and respect that will turn 90% of hard situations with kids ... easy. You may think "no way it's that good", but really it's actually 90% chance that you are clueless when it comes to talking to children effectively. The reason is that your parents probably were clueless as well. Stop being clueless - for your own sake, and for the sake of your children. In my country (in Eastern Europe) it's rare for people to be respectful of their children, to let them make their own decisions and mistakes, to help children become self-relying persons. We lack parents with the mindset this book presents. Billions of dollars are spent by every big country in the world on "education". If only they replaced it with mandatory P.E.T. training and let children and parents figure out "educating" on their own... that, in my opinion, would lead to a much better, happier world.

I really enjoyed this book, it gives an insight on what we do wrong in our relationships with our own children and suggests practical solutions. It provides excellent food for thought for parents. Very practical, well-thought and well written.

Lu et relu en français, sous le titre Parents Efficaces, toujours aussi fantastique de clarté, de persuasion, un encouragement affectueux et intelligent à être au meilleur de nous même avec nos enfants. Depuis les années 70, une pléthore d'études scientifiques est venue prouver la justesse, la bienfaisance des principes de Gordon tant pour l'enfant, que le parent et la société toute entière. En France, Isabelle Filliozat ou Catherine Dumonteil-Kremer approfondissent et développent la parentalité positive principalement inspirée par Gordon.

No one ever really teaches you how to be a parent do they? Oh they teach you how to change a nappy, how to feed it and how to burp it, then they pat you on the back and send you on your merry way. But no one ever teaches you how to deal with a child that is throwing a tantrum in Tesco, or a child who refuses to do what you want. In these enlightened times slapping the child is no longer acceptable, but no one has explained what other options are available to you! The whole thing is incredibly frustrating! If that is how you feel about parenting then THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU! The book teaches you three techniques which can be used singly or permed together, which will quite simply change your life. By the time you have read through the 330 pages of this book you will feel confident that there is no need to lose your temper, no need to raise a hand in anger and that all issues can be resolved in an easy and friendly way. The author says that when they were compiling the new edition of the book they asked people who had done the course for good examples of conflicts that had been resolved using these methods, but few of them could think of any. The reason was quite simply that after using P.E.T. for a while there just were not any further conflicts within their families that needed resolving. This book is essential reading for ALL parents, whether of a newborn baby or unruly teenagers. It WILL change your life!

Directo al grano, nos explica cómo ser padres si coacción. En realidad aplica a todas las facetas de la vida, no solo a la paternidad...

everyone should own this book! I have 2 children who can be very demanding because they're often bored in school + seek a challenge. We face tantrums, meltdowns etc. regularly. Following the advice of the book takes a bit of practice + I'm only in the early stages of trying it out bt it works! Already our family life has become much more relaxed + loving, it's simply amazing!