Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic

I bought this book over thirty years ago. I used it with my own child and passed around to various friends whose kids are just "more". I repurchased this for my amazing, highly spirited granddaughter. The beauty of this book is in its positive approach in creating success with children for whom the world is not ready. It also gives encouragement to parents who need to understand and embrace their beautiful, but challenging children.

Thin book has really helped me with figuring out and relating to my child who is 4 and spirited. This book has been a big help in understanding her perspective and how she processes and downloads situations. The book has a series of quizzes that help you make determinations about your own personality and your child's. I liked this because it helps you to see how your personality and your child's work well together or against each other's. This is eye opening because there may be simple differences, such as you are introverted by nature but your child is extroverted by nature, that are exacerbating the behavior issues you are having with your child. Tips for relating to a child that confuses you or that you have trouble understanding are really thoughtful and positive in this book. They all aim to support the child and help the parent to diffuse situations rather than escalate them and causing everyone to become overwhelmed. I like the positive suggestions and support this book offers. It really helps to unveil some of the mystery around your child's behavior so you can see it for what it is: your child doing their best to cope with their surrounding and feelings. Some children are just more intense, plain and simple. They need our support and help navigating their emotions perhaps a little more than their siblings or other children. This book is a great read, and a reference I still turn to when needed.

This was a must read for me, the father of a 5-year-old spirited child. A therapist told me my daughter was "spirited" or "willful." And then she mentioned some books. Had she not told me my daughter was spirited, I would have never known to get this book. The biggest benefit is that the book made me less angry at my daughter who I learned is spirited from birth, genetics, hard-wiring, not an act of will. In fact, about 10 percent of children are spirited. Parents who go to group therapy in this book describe their constant exhaustion from raising a spirited child. One spirited child is like having 7 "normal" children apparently. It was therapeutic just to read this and not feel so alone and guilty for feeling like a failed parent. The parents interviewed in Kurcinka's book corroborate all the characteristics my daughter has: bossy, picky, persistent, argumentative (never ending, sending you down a dead end of arguments), exasperating, needy, controlling, stubborn, never admitting wrongdoing . . . I could go on, but you get my point. Such children exhaust and frustrate their parents. Knowing this isn't an act of will gave me more patience and understanding. I also learned that because spirited children are so perceptive, it's important for the mother and father to have an attitude of getting along with one another. My wife and I benefited from this as well. Tension between us translates into our daughter's behavior worsening. We also learned not to label our daughter with all the above characteristics as that will actually make her traits worse. For every negative trait, there is a positive side to it. In fact, spirited children grow up to be intelligent high achievers. Needless to say, being stern, strict, or angry doesn't motivate the child.You'll have to learn more patient strategies outlined in this book. A new edition comes out soon. I'm sure I'll get it.

I loved this book and felt so validated by it, both as a parent as well as someone who was also a spirited kid! The author described many characteristics my older son displays, and offers such useful insight into how to work with these types of children. It is a great handbook for any parent, teacher, or person who regularly comes into contact with kids who are "MORE," as Kurcinka describes them. One thing I will mention is that this book does not give a plan for parents who have reached the end of their tether trying to discipline their spirited kids. Moreover, the author suggests ways to understand these kids thoroughly, and to avoid the discipline issues before they arise. I found this a wonderful approach and it has helped me a lot with communicating to and understanding my spirited son. That being said, I gave this book 4 stars because the author could acknowledge that these attempts have times when they backfire, or when disciplinary measures need to be taken. Spirited kids often respond differently than others to things such as time outs; a strategy for dealing with more of these moments would make the book even more useful.

To all parents of spirited kids. If you - much like me - have been desperate and looking for understanding why everything you try does not seem to work on your kid: Just read this book. It was the fifth of such educational books that I have read. Even though the others did learn me a thing or two too, 'Raising your spirited kid' totally helped me UNDERSTAND my child and taught me a TON of things. It will bring you confidence too. The style is very good and the chapters are clear with nice summaries at the end! Mostly it reads like a novel without being paternalistic. It's a shame it is not translated in other languages yet (or at least I could not find) because I would love to give it to many of my child's teachers. It's also often about using the correct vocabulary and those parts would be great in my own mother-tongue.

J'ai acheté cet ouvrage après en avoir entendu parler sur des blogs américains. Une fois dépassé les côtés très "américains", ce qui se fait facilement, j'ai trouvé dans cet ouvrage beaucoup de trucs pour améliorer mes réactions et ma panoplie de solutions face au comportement de mon fils que j'avais du mal à comprendre et à cadrer dans notre petite famille. Je l'ai lu petit à petit, et j'y ai trouvé sérénité et optimisme à un moment où je me sentais dépassée. Ce livre ne prône ni le laisser-faire, ni la punition à tout va et m'a permis de recadrer ce que je voulais vraiment atteindre en tant que parent et de mieux comprendre la violence des réactions de mon fils face à ce qui me paraissait un désagrément incroyablement mineur. J'y retourne régulièrement quand j'ai besoin d'un petit coup de boost au moral et quand j'ai du mal à trouver le juste milieu entre intégration de l'enfant dans la vie familiale et respect de son tempérament.

My mother read the first book when I was a teenager and had mentioned before that I am spirited like both my sister and my mom herself. My sister had been to behavior specialists and a neurologist but none of them agreed on what was happening or what to do (migraines, night terrors, different disciplinary methods, etc.). For me it was trial and error of multiple different discipline (for bad behavior) or reward (for good behavior) methods, none of them worked. It lead to a very interesting childhood with my mom not knowing how to handle us. I now have a spirited child of my own and from reading this book it has made all of our lives easier, especially her calm quiet baby sister. We still have some very trying days but the information in this book has lead to less of them and they are much less traumatic!

Worth a read for parents with kids who are super energetic, senstive receptive and intelligent

My younger daughter has such a very different temperament to her older sister - the latter I realise is relatively easygoing and obliging, whilst the younger one is contrary, willful, stubborn, difficult, challenging and and... SPIRITED! I was getting fed up with people (including the father) suggesting that I was pandering to her needs, treating her differently, letting her get away with things - it's true, perhaps I was, but i just knew that she couldn't be dealt with in the same way as my elder daughter, as she reacted so very differently to what seemed like such simple things, often ending in uncontrollable tears, or escalating screaming. I was at my wit's end with how to cope, but on a convoluted cyber path, i came across this book and i haven't looked further. As soon as I received it, I read the book from cover to cover - it was like I had found a soulmate on this matter. The more I read, the more I found myself recognising behaviour and situations we had found ourselves in - it resonated more than anything I'd come across until then, and since then. It offered explanations, case studies and, importantly, possible solutions - not definitive answers, but things that could help. And how they have helped, from mealtimes to social behaviour, bedtimes to props, this book has helped us to crack so much of what was before such a mystery. I found the section on Introvert vs Extrovert particularly enlightening, as it taught us not only that our spirited daughter is an introvert in terms of how she recharges her energy levels (ie. requiring space and time alone to potter and play - which hitherto hadn't much happened what with school, park playtimes and a sister always around), whilst the older sister came out as a clear extrovert (requiring company of others to recharge her batteries - which explained why she often seemed to be winding up her sister as she'd bug her to play together or always wanted to do stuff with us - not a personal space invader, just someone who loves and needs company). I'd just never thought of it in these terms, but now we accommodate their introvert/extrovert needs into our day to day, as well as occasions, and more importantly, we tolerate their relative behaviours much better. I now keep the book by my bed as my ultimate reference book on my subject of how to deal with my younger daughter. I have cited so many success stories from using the book to both husband and grandparents, that they too have come around to the fact that it is OK to take on board the very different personalities, temperaments, behaviours etc that our 2 daughters have, and to treat them or at least communicate with them in different ways where necessary, We don't favour one over the other, but we have learned to pre-empt the reactions of our more spirited child and she is much calmer as a result, which is so much better for her, but of course for all of us too. I have recommended this book to so many people, and I know that they too have been amazed by how poignant, useful and reassuring it has been for their own spirited kids. PS: I must admit, I didn't really like the term 'spirited' (albeit preferable to some of the negative and derogatory adjectives used to describe 'challenging' behaviour), but I could never think of anything better that encapsulates what these amazing creatures are, and so, I have grown to like it!